I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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