He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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