I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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