Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
