I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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