So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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