After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
