My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
