Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I love you. Go after that dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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