i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
