VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
