I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
