it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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