So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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