Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
