She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
