Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
