omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize