To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
