Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
