Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
