Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
