I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
