Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
