At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
