Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
