Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize