I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
