if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently you make a good broom.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
