He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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