Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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