We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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