he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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