Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
