Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
