I wish I could punch you in the face.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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