this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
