Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
