So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
