Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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