just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
