I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We have started to decorate penises.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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