five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
