You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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