i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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