they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
