I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
