You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
