He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
