two words: eviction party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Congratulations! We have a period
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