Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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