You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
