Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to make out with him forever
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
