We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
