he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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