Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
