Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
