I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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