i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
