we have pet lesbian snakes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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