Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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