You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
