Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
