i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
