i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize