The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
