well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
