Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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