How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
These tits shall not be calmed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
