If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
