no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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