I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
