Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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