just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
