While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
