are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
