Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
