So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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