Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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