Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
