It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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