it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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