I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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