Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
