Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
