i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize