You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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