So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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