just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
