It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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