I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
