we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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