don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
