which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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