if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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