I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Houston, we have a blender
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
