Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
