There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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