We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I stole a fireplace last night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize