I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
