cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
