Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize