Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
