we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My vagina is very pro this idea
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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