Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize